Indiana Payne in the California Hut of Doom

I woke up early this morning to eight little legs scurrying across my face, I brushed them off and went back to sleep. I woke up a few minutes later to more little legs crawling across my lips. I was fully awake this time. I lay there thinking, “ooh it was a spider. I bet they are coming in the house because the teardown in the back yard has stirred them up.” Then I thought about the black widow spiders I keep hearing everyone say probably live in the back yard. I finally fell asleep again figuring if my face and hand weren’t in pain, I probably hadn’t been bitten.

I headed to the grocery store to pick up some breakfast. I opened the Mexican pastry cabinet and six flies flew out like they had been waiting all day for someone to open that door. I went ahead and picked out three buns and gave them to Bill. When the flies were attacking me yesterday while I ate pizza, he said he didn’t think they were a big deal, so I didn’t mention the flies trapped in the bread case. I ate a packaged nutty bar because I kept thinking about the flies. There are flies all over this stinking state, in every restaurant, the house, inside, outside, there are these strange sewer flies in the bathroom because the water dried up in the pipes since the house was empty for six months. They are constantly buzzing around me and landing on me and I am hot. Imagine how irritable I must be. Poor Bill.

Tonight, I was cleaning the rest of the spider webs and dirt off of the walls so that we could paint and I headed into the front bedroom to finish up. There is a giant black spider with the telltale red hourglass. Oh my God! I hate poisonous spiders more than anything, because they are small and you never know one is there until it is too late and webs are nasty sticky things. Bill finally went in the bedroom and killed it. He then casually mentioned how many black widows they were finding outside. “Dave handed me a board for the dumpster and said, ‘Watch out, there are at least four on that board.’” I reminded him that the spider is female because she kills and eats her mate.

Now I have to sleep in this house (on an air mattress on the floor), wondering when death is going to crawl across my face and bite me.